I've been doing a lot, living a lot, and thinking a lot.
It's still me. Older, fatter, slower, and possibly even a little wiser than I used to be. Trust me: I'm not fatter because I am eating better, I'm fatter because I'm eating cheaper. And drinking more cheap beer every single day I can afford to.
I spend a great deal of time alone, mostly by choice. Partly by circumstance, since it's a long ways to walk to town from here. I depend on a few totally Cool Folk to take me to the store now and then, and they've always come through!
I'm ok with that, I really don't have to get out much. I know that it's hard for lots of people to understand, but I've grown comfortable with the fact that once a month is often enough to hit the stores.
I covet a nice, quiet, peaceful life by myself, for myself.
I'd like to keep a few chickens. Love my dogs. Keep a horse! It's my Goal: it's what I've been struggling to achieve for a bunch of years now. It gives me time to think, and reflect, and Know Myself.
How hard is it supposed to be, to just get a little peace and still manage to keep food in the fridge and the lights on? I dunno, but it's left me semi-gracefully aging, looking like this:
You see, my idea of peace may not be quite the same as yours. I am looking for a Path: and I chose early in my life that I wasn't going to find it by owning things. Don't get me wrong, Things are GOOD, I'd love to have more things yet..
I see so many folk get so totally hung up on having Things that they forget what it is to find joy in life without having Things.
That said; I will say true, I am jealous of all the Things you guys got that I don't.
Like a car. Or clothes that aren't 10 years old. Or hot water at your command, or new shoes, or the ability to order a pizza and pay for it. Like any of those mundane teeny details that you take for granted, that would just blow my mind like 'Wow; y'all eat out?? How cool is That, eh?' And 'Whoa! You actually just paid 5 bucks for a cup of coffee?? That's a month's worth of caffeine for me, Dude"
It's hard, but not impossible. I am living proof; I've been doing it for a whole lot of years. Often peacefully, occasionally working my mental and physical ass off, and always determined to find a way to explain to myself and others just why we're here.
And then the Big Old Cold Reality steps in, you start to care about someone else again. It opens your heart, even if you didn't want it opened again. It's wonderful, and terrifying to love people, and I've started to love my neighbors. Scares crap outta me, but also feels good, yanno?
(I am good and intuitive with the animals.. you humans require so much more of my mind and my heart in order for me to aid you!)
And how arrogant is that- to think that I'm here to aid anyone but myself on this Path?
I was going to talk about 27 other things that were on my mind but hey- BEER! Let's just leave this with a cool pic of my own Rescue Kitty, Lefty.
Y'all know me, y'all know I do my Critter & People Pals first.